The Studies Racket

If I were 25 years old again, and starting over,  I'd dump the Radio/TV thing like a hot potato and go
into something like the Tattoo Removal Industry or, better yet, the "Study Business."

And Washington, DC is the town to do it in.

The largest industry, in fact the only private industry here when I came up in 1961 was the Rubber Stamp manufacturers.  But now, it's gotta be the "Study Business," although it's called by several names, "Government Grants," "Scholarships," "Surveys," etc.

An example of some recent ones are,

TALLER PEOPLE EARN MORE MONEY

YOUR BRAIN THINKS MONEY IS A DRUG

PRETTY PEOPLE MAKE MORE MONEY;
UGLY MEN MAKE THE LEAST

Those "studies" were not all paid for by our government, but the majority of them are, like the one they recently paid $582,000 of our tax money to find out "Why Monkeys Throw Poop."

Another thing our "Brilliant Leaders" did  (in spite of the fact that the Chinese economy is second only to that of the United States and China holds billions of dollars of our debt.) was send 18 Million Dollars of our money to China to improve their social services and clean up their environment.

Makes sense to me.

But the kind of studies I'd be real good at...and seem to be very popular these days...are the ones that are obvious to anyone with half a brain, but seem to be no less than Eureka moments to today's generation of Americans.

The best example I can think of is the TIME magazine cover story of a number of years ago that proclaimed:

Men and Women Are Different.


Some of the Damndest studies are done by the once (before they bought into the man made global warming hoax) highly respected "scientific community."
In order to try and hold down the laughter, and get back some of their reputation, they claim that "they don't assume how the world works; they test it."

Nevertheless, here is a list of some of their recent studies:

Swallowing Magnets is bad for you
Combining Drugs and Alcohol is Bad for you

Gun Toting Drivers are More Prone to Road Rage
Too Many Meetings Make You Grumpy
Why Is It Easier to See Someone Close than Far Away
Smoking Cigarettes Costs You Money
Memory and Concentration Fade with Age
Time Flies When You Are Busy
Kids Love Santa

(Please note: I didn't make this stuff up. It's published regularly in a number of the leading science magazines.)

And finally,

You Can't Teach Old Dogs New Tricks


However, this particular "scientific" study concluded that you actually can!  The new research funded by the National Institute of Aging found that older beagles fed a healthy diet and given plenty of exercise performed nearly as well as younger ones on cognitive tests.

Now, if they could just do something about those damn monkeys.

-Ed