72 is the NEW 30 !!

That is the headline and it brought great joy to old geezers like me everywhere!

Betty White and a group of other 30 year olds

Just imagine, waking up thinking like a 76 year old and by the time I had taken my morning medications and finished my cream of wheat and even before I had decided what time I would begin my afternoon nap I saw the headline and learned that I was really only 34 years old!

Again!

I haven't believed the main stream news media for years, but this time they finally got it right! And don't anyone try to talk me out of it.

Max Planck Institute

The proof is that the researchers were from an unquestionably reliable source...The Franklin Mint, or some such research institute in Rostock, Germany! 

(-The Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Rostock, Germany, says life expectancy is rising faster than it has for 200 millennia, when our ancestors the Hominids walked the planet.)

1992 Rostock Riot

 And as everyone knows, Rostock is the smartest city in the world. They're best known for their non-discriminatory riot there in 1992. (They rioted against everybody, even themselves.)

The Research Foundation (Max Planck Institute) is famous for it's many ground breaking studies such as “THE IMPORTANCE OF MICRO AND MACRO-LEVEL STUFF: OLDEST-OLD, LOWEST-LOW AND LATEST-LATE,” and their 25 year long study of African Monkeys that proved conclusively that some monkeys broke open nuts with rocks and some opened them with stones.

Max Planck

Though previous results clearly show the enormous net energetic gain provided by nut cracking in both species (Gunther a

Monkeys opening nuts

You can't argue with that.

Hunter Gatherer

Further proof of the validity of their findings regarding old people's "true age," is the fact that they extrapolated heretofore unavailable things (technical term) from hunter-gatherers (they're not easy to find these days) chimpanzees, and African dung beetles.

Beetle

Monkey

"Through age 15, hunter-gatherers experience rates of death more than 100 times higher than do today's Japanese. Over the course of the entire lifespan, mortality rates are 10 times higher. And a 15-year-old hunter-gatherer and a 69-year-old Swede face the same chances of dying in the next year.

Mortality patterns of today's hunter-gatherers are more similar to those of chimpanzees than they are to those of people in wealthy, developed nations, the study also found, though the difference matters most at young ages. "
 -The findings from the study are published in the journal Proceedings Of The National Academy Of Sciences.

Professor Corey

Critics and deniers and other truly unattractive people have claimed that the study must have been written by Professor Irwin Corey...who, by the way was very underrated.

Besides, what difference does it make now?

You unbelievers can take your facts and.......whatever.

Anyway, as we all know, when you doubters can't win the argument, you resort to name calling.

I can hear it now, "Ed, you are off your rocker!"
You bet I am, and I'm not going back into that damm thing again until I'm really 76 years old!

In "hunter-gatherer years."

Meanwhile, I think we ought to organize a trip to Myrtle Beach this coming May...and do some hunting and gathering...like we used to.

-Ed