"Consarn it!"

Gabby Hayes

It hit me like a brick the other day!

Here I am, according to the Carolina Theater School of knowledge, in the Gabby Hayes phase of my life with 5 wonderful grandchildren all living nearby........and as far as I know they've never heard me say anything memorable that they can pass on to their children and grandchildren.

You know, things they can interject someday into a conversation with their kids, like “Well, as my old grand pappy used to say...........”(Fill in the blank.)”

That's because I don't think I've ever said anything particularly pithy or colorful enough to be worth passing on.

Unless you can count “What's for dinner?” or “For crying out loud, hold the noise down!”

I even turned to a famous quotation book looking for some things I could start dropping into my conversations with the grand kids....things like,


“Never say whoa in a mud hole”.
“If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
“Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.”

Naw, that won't work.

My next thought was to sprinkle around advice that I got from my dear parents and grandparents, like,

“Never go out in the rain without your galoshes.”
“Always carry a nickle in your pocket in case you need to make a phone call.
“Margerine is a lot better for your health than butter.”
“Sound as a dollar.”

Gabby Hayes and Roy Rogers

That won't work either.

Finally, Jumping Jehosaphats!, it dawned on me that the answer had been staring me in the face all along; the secret was to take the Gabby Hayes approach!

He never gave advice that could become outdated, never disagreed with Roy or Gene or anyone else....and his Hayesisms were always appropriate!

I can almost hear it now.......one of these days as I'm sitting on a cloud playing my harp (hopefully) I come to the end of a heavenly adagio....and hear one of my grand kids way down on earth talking to his lovable goldurned whippersnappers .

”...that's my advice to you kids and that's what you're going to do from now on, right? And as my old Grand pappy used to say, “Yer Durn Tootin!”

Thanks Gabby.

-Ed